Owie
by BansheeFromHell
Summary: When someone in the Akatsuki gets an owie, they get a 'healing kiss' from Saru... whether they want it or not... and it's not like poor Saru has a choice either. Warning: minor use of the F-bomb.
1. Tobi

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or its characters, they all belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I only own the plot, so no suing please.**

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Chapter One: Tobi's Owie

…

It was a normal day in the Akatsuki hideout. All of the members were keeping themselves occupied - I'm not going to mention how, and I was in my room, alone, reading a book.

But I wasn't alone for long.

Deidara came into the room, without even knocking - which was typical for him - and knelt down in front of me, staring at me intently. I lowered my book and quirked an eyebrow at him, but his gaze did not falter. We stayed that way for, what felt like, an hour before he opened his mouth to speak.

"Hey Saru," he began, blinking. "I need to ask you something, un."

I let out an exasperated sigh and closed the book, setting it down on the bed.

"Fine." I said, crossing my arms. "What is it?"

He held up his hand and asked, "I have an owie on my hand, could you kiss it better?"

I felt my face grow hot as I figure out what he was getting at, and my hands clenched into fists. Suddenly I lashed out, and smacked Deidara in the head.

"You have got to be the biggest _**pervert**_ I ever met!!" I exclaimed heatedly, a vein pulsing on my forehead.

"You take things way too seriously, hmm." Deidara groaned, rubbing the area of his head where my fist made contact. "You need to relax more, yeah. I give a _mean_ shoulder massage. And if you play your cards right, it could change to a full body."

I scoffed when he winked at me suggestively, and hit him again, ignoring his groan of pain.

"I don't want a massage." I growled.

"Ow… Do you _have_ to hit so _**hard**_?"

Before I could answer, Tobi burst into the room, looking like he was about to cry.

"Saru-chan! Saru-chan!!" He cried, almost tripping and falling in front of me.

"What's wrong, Tobi?" I asked.

"Tobi has an owie…" Tobi whimpered, rubbing the side of his head where the 'owie' was. "Tobi doesn't know what to do about the owie…"

"Where does it hurt, Tobi?" I asked, feeling his head for any bumps.

"Right here." He said, pointing to the side of his head.

"Right here?" I repeated, touching the area he had previously pointed to as he winced.

Sure enough, there was a bump.

And a pretty good one, at that.

"Uh-huh. Could you kiss it better, Saru-chan?" Tobi asked innocently.

I stared at him for a moment, and found I couldn't say 'no' to him, especially when there were tears forming in his visible eye.

"_Damn it,"_ I thought. _"Why does he have to be so _**damn**_ cute and innocent??"_

"Alright, fine. Come here."

I carefully grabbed a hold of Tobi's head to keep him from squirming, and lightly kissed the side of his head. He stopped whimpering as I let him go, and was surprised to find the slight throbbing pain gone.

"Is that better?"

Tobi nodded enthusiastically, and I knew he was smiling even though he was wearing a mask.

"Uh-huh. Tobi feels _lots_ better! Saru-chan's kiss healed Tobi's owie! Saru-chan has healing kisses!!" He exclaimed happily, jumping up and down like a three-year-old in a candy shop.

"Oh brother…" Deidara muttered, rolling his eyes.

I hit the blonde again, and turned back to face Tobi.

"Does it hurt anywhere else?" I asked,

He shook his head.

"No, I don't think so…." Tobi began, scratching his head.

That was the thing about Tobi. I could ask him that kind of question and he wouldn't give me a sarcastic/sexual remark, unlike some of the _other_ male members of the Akatsuki (-cough-Deidara-cough-).

"But I heard Sasori-san say that his head hurts. Oh no! Sasori-san has an owie! We have to help him! Come on, Saru-chan!"

"Uh, Tobi… I don't think -- kyaaaaahh!!'

I let out a yelp when Tobi grabbed my hand and nearly dragged me out of the room to find Sasori.

...

...

**Next victim: Sasori**


	2. Sasori

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or its characters, they all belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I only own the plot, so no suing please.**

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Chapter Two: Sasori's Owie

…

After dragging me halfway across the length of the hideout, Tobi finally found Sasori's room. We peeked inside and found the redhead working on one of his puppets, paying close attention to every miniscule detail.

I swear, that guy is _such_ a _**perfectionist**_ when it comes to his puppets…

"Are you sure about this, Tobi? He looks fine to me…" I whispered, squinting my eyes to get a better look.

That was when I realized…

I forgot my glasses back in my room!

"_Way to go, _**stupid**_."_ I thought dryly, mentally slapping myself. _"Of all the things to forget, you just _had_ to forget your freaking _glasses_. Smooth move…"_

After I hushed that voice in my head, I whispered to Tobi again, asking if he was sure about Sasori's 'owie.' He nodded, grasped my hand and tugged me over to the puppet master, who was surprised, and irritated, to see us in his room.

Tobi jabbed his finger into Sasori's forehead, as the redhead glared at him, and exclaimed, "There! There! That's where Sasori-san's owie is! Quick! Give 'im a kiss!!"

The redhead glared at us and set the puppet he was - previously - working on down to the floor.

"I thought I told you two not to disturb me while I'm--"

Sasori was cut off when he felt my lips on his forehead in a light kiss. His forehead was cold, but, for some reason, he could feel his face getting hot as it turned a bright pink. Before he could say anything, however, Tobi took my hand again and pulled me out of the room to find more members with 'owies.'

"Sometimes I wonder just _how_ her mind works…" Sasori mumbled to himself as he picked up his puppet to continue working on it.

"Then again… maybe I don't _want_ to know…"

...

...

**Next victim: Itachi**


	3. Itachi

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or its characters, they all belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I only own the plot, so no suing please.**

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Chapter Three: Itachi's Owie

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"Are you sure about this, Tobi?" I asked, as Tobi and I peeked around the corner, watching Itachi paint his fingernails.

Yes. The Akatsuki paints their fingernails. I think it's part of the uniform, or something…

You might as well get all the laughs out of you system now.

"Yup," Tobi replied, nodding. "Itachi-san has an owie too. I'll show you."

He tugged me over to Itachi, who decided to ignore us and continue painting his nails, and pointed to a spot under his left eye. There was a bruise forming there, but it was barely anything to be concerned about.

"See? Right here. He got that when he went on that mission yesterday."

"What are you two idiots _doing_?" Itachi asked - more like _demanded_, as he slapped Tobi's hand away and glared at us.

When we didn't respond, he sighed, shook his head, and went back to painting his nails. He was caught off guard when I planted a small kiss on his cheek, right on the bruise, as his face was slowly being covered in a blush. I grabbed Tobi's hand and dragged him out of the room before Itachi could recover and chase after us.

"… I'll never understand those two…" He muttered to himself, after he recovered from his stupor.

It was then that he noticed that the brush he was using shifted during his moment of shock and it left a - blatantly - noticeable trail of black nail polish across his finger. He stared at said finger grimly, with a murderous look in his eyes, promising himself that he would get me back for distracting him.

...

...

**Next victim: **Hidan


	4. Hidan

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or its characters, they all belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I only own the plot, so no suing please.**

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Chapter Five: Hidan's Owie

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"Oh, you've _got_ to be kidding me…"

Hidan was in the midst of another 'tribute' to the 'mighty' Jashiin-sama when we found him. A pentagram was painted on the floor in blood, and in the middle of the floor was a kitten - which was still alive, by the way.

"He must not have conducted the 'holy ritual' yet…" I muttered to myself dryly. "Can you remind me why we're here again?"

"Hidan-san has an owie, Saru-chan." Tobi replied, smiling at me through his mask. "You need to give him one of your healing kisses."

"Wait Tobi, I don't think this is such a good ide--aaaahh!!"

Tobi grabbed my arm before I could finish my sentence, and began dragging me into Hidan's room as I tried to slow down the process by digging my heels into the floor. He moved me in front of him and pushed me forward, making me collide with Hidan's back when he was about to raise his triple-blade scythe and desecrate the defenseless kitten before him. He staggered forward, dropping the scythe, whipping around and glaring at me with his purple eyes.

"What the fuck are you doing!? How _dare_ you interrupt my tribute to Jashiin-sama!!" He exclaimed angrily, shaking his fist at me and pointing to the pentagram.

"For your information, Hidan, I didn't ask to be here." I retorted, crossing my arms and ignoring his cussing.

"Then why _are_ you here?" Hidan asked rudely, picking up his scythe and dusting it off almost obsessively, like he was in love with it.

"I'm here because of a certain 'good boy.'" I huffed, pointing to the door with my thumb. "He said you had an 'owie.'"

"What the flying fuck is an 'owie?' How old does he think he is, _four_?" Hidan said to nobody in particular as he prepared to raise his scythe and get back to his 'ritual.'

As he raised his scythe I frantically looked to Tobi to tell me where Hidan's so-called 'owie' was. He pointed to the spot where his right eye would be - since he was wearing a mask - and motioned with his hands to hurry. I snuck up on Hidan when he wasn't looking and caught him off guard when I kissed the corner of his eye lightly. He dropped his scythe and went into a daze, and I took the time to grab the kitten and replace it with a stuffed replica. With that, I hurried out of the room, grabbing Tobi's hand and all but dragging him down the hallway.

A few minutes later, Hidan recovered from the shock and shook his head remembering about his 'sacrifice' to Jashiin. He raised his scythe and to a swing, taking the head straight off the stuffed cat I had placed there, laughing maniacally. His eyes widened when he saw stuffing instead of blood and turned on the light to see a mutilated stuffed animal. A vein appeared on his head as he clenched his fists.

"Damn it, Saru!! Not _again_!! How am I supposed to please Jashiin-sama if she keeps stealing my fucking sacrifices!?"

...

...

**Next victim: **Zetsu


	5. Zetsu

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or its characters, they all belong to Masashi Kishimoto. I only own the plot, so no suing please.**

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Chapter Six: Zetsu's Owie

…

Tobi and I were peeking through the - barely cracked open - kitchen door, watching Zetsu take a piece of meat out of the refrigerator and begin biting into it like a hungry dog. I gulped as I watched the cannibalistic plant eat, looking warily at Tobi and wondering if this was part of some plot to kill me.

"Um… I don't know about this, Tobi… Isn't Zetsu a cannibal? Won't he, like… I don't know… _eat_ me??" I asked in a matter-of-factly tone, quirking an eyebrow at Tobi.

"Oh no, he won't eat you, Saru-chan." Tobi reassured me by putting a hand on my shoulder and patting it gently.

"Then would you care to remind me where this so-called 'owie' is?"

"Right here," Tobi said, pointing to the corner of my mouth.

I looked at Zetsu, who was still eating the meat and shivered unconsciously.

"Oh come on Tobi, he's _eating_! His face is probably covered in blood by now! You can't possibly expect me to…"

Then Tobi looked at me with his visible eye sparkling innocently as he made a whining noise, somewhat like a puppy, and I sighed in defeat. He was one of the only people that could get away with using the Puppy Eyes on me.

"_Oh, this is just great…"_ I thought bitterly. _"I can hear my death knell _already_…"_

"Alright, fine…"

Tobi gently pushed me into the kitchen and I slowly inched toward Zetsu, who was too busy eating to notice me. He finally did when I was within two feet of his person, and he lowered the meat and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. The two of us sat there looking at each other until Zetsu grew impatient.

"Well? What do you want?" A gruff voice inquired as his eyes narrowed.

"Is there something we can do for you?" A gentler voice continued.

"Um… no, it's okay… I'm good…" I answered nervously, scratching the back of my head awkwardly.

Zetsu raised an eyebrow at me and shook his head.

"Then why are you in here if you don't want anything?" His black half asked almost rudely, as he took another bite of the meat.

"I don't know, I just wanted… to say 'hi…'"

The man-eating plant stared at me for a moment, his grip on the meat almost slipping as he was trying to overcome the confusion that my statement had inflicted on him. He finally did, and blinked twice before replying in both voices, "Hi."

Zetsu raised the meat and was preparing to take another bite when he felt me kiss him lightly on the corner of his mouth, and he was taken by surprise. His grip on the meat was loosened to the point of dropping, but somehow he managed to keep a hold of it and he staggered to keep his balance as he was overcome with shock. Before he could recover, I ran out of the kitchen, but not before grabbing a couple of popsicles out of the freezer; one for me, and one for Tobi.

The cannibalistic plant soon recovered from the shock that my kiss inflicted on him, and he sat there for a few minutes as he went into deep thought.

"What just happened?" His white half questioned.

"I don't know," The black half replied gruffly. "But it wasn't that bad…"

"… Hmm… For once, I think I can agree with you…"

...

...

**Next victim: **Kakuzu


	6. Kakuzu

**Banshee: Hello~! It's been a while since I updated this fic. I only have four more Akatsuki members to go, so I might as well work on it while I have the chance. And it's Kakuzu's turn~! Yay~!**

**Disclaimer: I only own my OC and the plot.**

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Chapter Six: Kakuzu

* * *

Tobi and I watched as Kakuzu sat on the sofa, flicking through the channels on the television.

Yes.

They have a TV.

Don't ask why, they just have one.

Moving on.

I glanced at Tobi with a look that practically screamed 'don't make me do this,' since I knew about Kakuzu's habit of ripping people's hearts out. He only smiled at me through his mask and pointed to my right cheek as a hint to where his 'owie' was. Sighing, I walked over to the sofa and took a seat, twiddling my fingers as Kakuzu continued to flick through the stations. We sat there in silence before he put down the remote and stared at me.

I turned my head slightly and saw him staring at me from the corner of my eye.

"What?"

"What do you mean 'what?'" Kakuzu retorted, quirking an eyebrow at me. "I didn't say anything."

"So…" I said. "anything good on?"

"Not a damn thing." Kakuzu grumbled. "If these companies wanted to make real money, they'd air stuff people actually _want_ to see. Who wants to watch drama, or reality shows, anyway?"

"A lot of people like that stuff." I said, shrugging. "But they only watch it for the drama. If anything brings in the big bucks, it's drama… and anything involving violence and nudity. But mostly drama."

After I said the word 'nudity,' Kakuzu looked at me and I knew the gears were turning in his head.

"Whatever you're thinking, stop it right now." I growled.

I felt something tap me on the arm, and I looked over the armrest of the couch and saw Tobi. He looked towards Kakuzu and made a "go on, do it" gesture with his hands.

"Hey, Kakuzu." I said.

"Yeah?" He said.

"I'll give you five bucks if you let me kiss you."

"… What?"

"I'll give you five bucks if you let me kiss you." I repeated my statement.

Kakuzu thought about it for a few seconds before he responded, "Make it ten."

"I'm not paying you ten bucks for a kiss." I said.

"And I'm not going any lower." He declared stubbornly.

"Ugh.." I groaned. "Fine, ten."

"Fifteen."

"You just said ten!" I yelled.

"You didn't answer quick enough." He said.

"Greedy penny pincher…" I grumbled.

"Twenty."

"Hey!"

"That was for insulting me."

"Bastard.." I growled.

He heard me and raised the price. "Twenty five."

"I only have a twenty."

"You're lying."

"No I'm not!"

Kakuzu growled. "Fine. Twenty dollars."

He sat there as I handed him the twenty dollars, and as he was counting it, I gave him a quick peck on the cheek. Before he could respond, I got up off the couch and grabbed Tobi by the wrist, dragging him out of the room.

…

…

**Next victim: Kisame**


	7. Kisame

**Banshee: Three more to go~! On with the show~!**

**Disclaimer: I only own my OC and the plot.**

* * *

Chapter Seven: Kisame

* * *

Kisame was in his room when we found him. He was laying on his bed, taking a nap.

"_Thank God… He's sleeping.."_ I thought, sighing in relief. _"This'll make it so much easier… and less awkward."_

Tobi gestured to his forehead - the spot where Kisame's supposed 'owie' was; he apparently got bumped in the head earlier today - and gently pushed me inside the room. I gulped, and tiptoed over to the bed, cringing every time the floor creaked under my feet. Thankfully, Kisame didn't hear any of it. I made it over to the bed, and mentally groaned when I saw that he was still wearing his forehead protector.

"_It's okay…"_ I thought. _"All I have to do is move it a little bit, give him a kiss, and leave before he even knows what happened. Sounds easy enough."_

Yeah. That plan _sounded_ easy, but that doesn't mean that it will be. With my luck, Kisame is a light sleeper; and I have really crappy luck…

Gulping again, I slowly moved my hand towards the offending headband. My hand was shaking, but I tried to keep it as still as possible as I grabbed the headband and started to move it.

"What the hell are you doing?"

I froze. I knew full well who that voice belonged to. Looking down, I saw that Kisame's eyes were wide open and he was staring right at me.

"… U-Uhhhh…" I stuttered.

"I asked you a question. What the hell are you doing?" He repeated his inquiry.

"Um…W-Well, I… You see…"

"That masked idiot has something to do with this, doesn't he?"

By 'that masked idiot,' he meant Tobi.

"Yes…" I said.

Kisame sighed. "Whatever you're going to do, go ahead and do it so I can get back to my nap."

I didn't expect him to be so… agreeable, but hey, it made things easier for me.

After moving his headband out of the way, I leaned forward and kissed his forehead. I told Kisame to 'have a nice nap,' then I left the room and grabbed Tobi by the shoulders, and pushed him down the hall.

…

…

**Next victim: Konan**


	8. Konan

**Banshee: Here's chapter 8. Only two more to go~!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Orochimaru would have died a long time ago...**

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Chapter Eight: Konan

* * *

The oh-so-great 'Leader-sama' was holding a meeting, and, as usual, Konan was standing next to him, not saying a word, again, as usual.

I sat there and watched, knowing full well what was going to happen once the meeting was over.

"_Why did the Akatsuki have to have a female member?" _I thought with dread. _"Kissing the _men_ was awkward enough.."_

After a few minutes, the dreaded moment arrived. Pein dismissed everyone and Tobi immediately darted over to me and informed me about Konan's supposed 'owie.' When I found out where it was, I nearly had an ulcer.

"You've got to be kidding me!" I yelled. "You're making me do this for your own sick enjoyment, aren't you?"

"Come on, Saru-chan." Tobi urged. "It'll only take a second. Go on."

"I hate you.."

He responded by nudging me forward, towards the blue-haired woman I was supposed to kiss. She was still with Pein, and they exchanged a few words before the leader left.

"Um.. Konan?" I asked, twiddling my fingers timidly.

"What is it, Saru?" Konan inquired calmly.

"Um…" I stuttered. Taking a deep breath, I blurted out in one breath, "I'msosorryTobi'smakingmedothispleasedon'thateme!"

Konan blinked. "I'm sorry?"

Then I did it. I kissed her… on the lips.

It only lasted for a second, and that was all it took for my face to turn redder than Sasori's hair. Then I bowed and said "I'm sorry!" before grabbing Tobi by his arm and dragging him out of the room. A '_thump!' _was heard a few seconds later, followed by an "Oowww~, what did I do?"

Then I locked myself in my room and didn't come out for several hours.

…

…

**Next victim: Pein**


	9. Pein

**Banshee: One more to go~!**

**Disclaimer: I only own my OC and the plot.**

* * *

Chapter Nine: Pein

* * *

It's official. Tobi's trying to kill me..

Because of that _idiot_, I was standing before the Akatsuki leader, Pein; or, as I liked to call him behind his back, 'Grouchy McPainInTheAss.' Itachi and Kisame were in either side of me, preventing me from running out of the room.

I was sitting there, minding my own business, when Itachi suddenly appeared in my room, grabbed me, and took me to Pein's office where I was facing punishment for supposedly setting off a stink bomb in the meeting room during an assembly. Tobi was my supposed accomplice, who, when caught, put all the blame on me, saying it was all _my_ idea.

"_I'm going to kill him…" _I thought maliciously. _"I'll kill him.. Slowly… __**Painfully**__… In. His. Motherfucking. __**SLEEP**__!"_

"A stink bomb in the meeting room.." Pein sighed. "Honestly Saru, I expected something like this from Deidara or Hidan, but not from you."

"It wasn't me!" I yelled defensively. "I was framed!"

"All the evidence points to you. We even have a statement from your accomplice, Tobi, who said it was all your idea."

"You would believe that idiot over me?" I shrieked.

"Idiot or not, he's still a member of the Akatsuki. An Akatsuki member is more likely to be truthful than a captive, who would say anything to save their own skin. You would lie if given the chance, and you have done so on multiple occasions. Considering all this, I think it's safe to say that I would trust the idiot over you." Pein deadpanned.

"Ouch.." Kisame muttered under his breath.

"This isn't fair! I didn't do anything!"

"The day Kisame turns red, I'll believe you."

"That can be arranged.." I mumbled to myself, imagining myself sneaking up on the shark man with a can of red paint and a paintbrush.

Kisame seemed to know what I was thinking, for he growled, "Don't even think about it, Kid."

"So…" Said Pein. "For setting off a stink bomb in the meeting room, you are to be confined to your room for three days."

Since I was already in trouble, even though I didn't do anything, I thought 'What the hell?' and walked up to Pein and nonchalantly kissed him on the nose. Kisame's jaw nearly hit the floor, and Itachi was standing there with the same expression he had before; but with a hint of surprise (the guy's so expressive, isn't he?).

"Scratch that." Pein said. "Make it ten days."

…

…

**Next victim: Deidara**


	10. Deidara

**Banshee: Yay~! Finally done~! Hope you've enjoyed it!**

**Disclaimer: I only own my OC and the plot.**

* * *

Chapter Ten: Deidara

* * *

Deidara asked me to come to his room so he could show me something he'd been working on all day.

It was a sculpture (duh), and it was as big as me. It looked like a rabbit… if a rabbit could be five feet tall..

"Is this a… rabbit?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I heard you tell Tobi how much you like rabbits, so I made you one." Deidara said, proud of his new piece.

"Oh, that's very…" I paused. Deidara looked very proud of himself, and I didn't want to spoil his good mood, so I continued, "That's very sweet.."

"This ain't even the best part, un."

"What's the best part?" I asked.

He smirked. "When it explodes, un."

"What?" I exclaimed. "You can't set that thing off in here!"

Ignoring my protests, Deidara chuckled and formed that dreaded hand sign.

"Deidara, don't!" I pleaded.

Still ignoring me, he muttered, "Katsu."

The clay rabbit exploded, and the force of the blast sent me flying into the wall. Deidara was able to avoid the blast, though he didn't get out of it unscathed; he got cracked in the head by a piece of debris.

"What the hell is wrong with you? You could have killed me, you idiot!" I hissed, picking myself up off the floor.

"Out of all the work I've done so far, this one was definitely one of the best, un!" The blonde proclaimed proudly, completely ignoring me - again.

"Hey.." I said, noticing a patch of his hair was stained red. "You're bleeding."

Deidara blinked. "Hm?"

He poked around on his head until he felt something wet, and noticed blood on his fingers.

"I must have gotten hit during the explosion." He said. "Though how could I notice when I was busy appreciating the sheer beauty of it?"

I rolled my eyes.

"All right Sparky, let's take care of that."

I grabbed a first aid kit and cleaned the wound on his head, ignoring his whining.

"Ow! Damn it, that stuff stings!" Deidara complained as I cleaned his wound with rubbing alcohol.

"Quit whining." I ordered. "You're lucky it's just a head injury; there's nothing to hurt up there."

He glared at me, but that glare was gone when I applied some more rubbing alcohol to his wound, and he winced.

When I was finished cleaning the wound out, I wrapped some gauze around his head to prevent any possible infection and to keep it from bleeding too much. Head injuries tend to bleed pretty heavily, though they are not fatal most of the time.

"There. All done." I said after I tied the finishing knot.

Without even thinking about it, I kissed the sore spot on his head.

"Does that feel better?" I asked.

"Now that you mention it, yeah, un." He said.

"Good."

"Hey, Saru-chan. You wouldn't, by any chance, be willing to give me another kiss, yeah?" He asked with a smirk. "I still have that owie on my hand that hasn't been taken care of yet.."

He yelped when I stomped on his foot.

"_Idiot_.." I growled.

…

…


End file.
